Wednesday 21 February 2007

Musical Blogs...

Sorry to be a pain, oh small band of devoted readers....

I've moved back here...


...well, the site meter's nearly on 97k, so it seemed a wise, erm.......*career*?? move.

Hope to see you all back at the old gaffe.


L.U.V. on y'all,

Bob




Visit me in MunterSpace - 10,000 Goth Girls Splattered in Feck Blood Can't be Wrong!!!!!!!!

Bob's old blog - it's much better than *this* rubbish!

Watch Bob's promos on Youtube

Listen to Bob's songs at indie911.com!

Listen to Bob's songs at GarageBand.com!

Listen to Bobcasts here!


© 2007 Swipe Enterprises

Thursday 15 February 2007

Depression...

Between 1987 and 1994, I went out with someone who suffered from clinical depression - and yes, before you ask, although I no doubt exacerbated the situation considerably, the illness did actually pre-date our relationship. The bouts of depression were (and, very sadly, still are) lengthy, painful and deeply distressing, not only for poor V., but those closest to her. Without revealing too much of someone else's painful personal life, but, equally, not wishing to avoid discussing the painful charactersistics of the illness as I've observed them, the troughs would involve a quite remarkable withdrawal, acute anxiety and a state of fearfulness and paranoia which could lead to the belief that even the most trivial (and unrelated) item on the television news was a direct attack on the depressed person herself. In happier interludes, we used to find wry amusement in the assertions of our friends, common, I imagine, to most sensitive people in their twenties when things aren't going too well, that they were "really depressed". So, having seen V.'s struggles with "the black dog" at close quarters and lost a good friend to depression-induced suicide, I think I know the difference between my own current low and the full frontal assault that is severe, clinical depression.

That said, I can't help but acknowledge the fact that what once seemed a remote and (possibly due to my being absorbed in my own proximity to it) isolated affliction has, over time, become a fairly common experience. Numerous close friends, family members-in-common-law, work colleagues - even your humble scribe - have all at one time or another suffered from what would come under the broad heading of depressive illness, to the extent that those in my close circle who haven't appear now to be in the minority.

So, what's changed? Or is it a time of life thing? Hard to say, but I know my own lows (and that of those closest to me) are largely grief related. Loss has been a big factor. My own experience was directly related to the loss of my mother. Those dark days, spent hoarding all the pent up anger and supressed pain manifest as rage was finally acknowledged by me about a year after Mum's death for for what it was - grief, sadness, depression disguised. But a sense of loss in the broadest sense, not just of people, can be painful in itself and complicate matters - time of life, and so on. Indeed, there can appear to be a snowballing effect, a heightened awareness of the accumulation of time, opportunities, innocence as well as loved ones one has lost over the course of one's life, to the extent that the days take on a very elegiac quality that's quite conducive to mild melancholy.

I stress, again, that there is a marked difference between that quasi-romantic sense and the awful rigours of acute psychosis. I remember reading some sleeve notes written by Sting in which he commented on the falsity of the widely-held assumption that the heart is the physical seat of the emotions. According to Mr. Sumner, it's actually somewhere in the brain. And, for sure, the kind of illness described in the first paragraph *is* as simple as that - a chemical imbalance in the head. I don't know about Sting or anyone else, but I get mine in the solar plexus, and it feels as if someone's been using it as a punchbag. It's where I think of my heart as being, even if that's not anatomically correct.

But it's not all bleak. V. was well read in the field and there can be no denying that she was right about the link between depression and creativity. Beethoven, Van Gogh, Plath, Milligan, Churchill - the list of eminent suffererers whose talents were fed by their depression is long and distinguished. I'm sure it's no accident that my current prolific writing spree has coincided with being on a bit of a downer. And that, I suppose, is where the difference between the Sunday driver, mildly depressed, not feeling so good today Doc folks like me and the in-for-the-long-haul, pale blinds drawn all day, nothing to read, nothing to say lifers is most pronounced. Given the choice between how I am today and my carefree, pre-anti-depressant* self, I'd stick with what I have. Because ultimately, and at the risk of sounding like a Telegraph reader, the best in one's character is usually forged more though hardship and adversity than through lamb-like frolicking. Suffering may make us more fragile, but it also makes us more human. It deepens our souls. But the real deal is no fun at all, believe me. Poor, poor souls.


L.U.V. on y'all,

Bob


*Just to clarify, I mean by this the time before I had cause to take anti-depressants, and not that I still have need of them - please, no flowers, grapes etc...

Visit me in MunterSpace - 10,000 Goth Girls Splattered in Feck Blood Can't be Wrong!!!!!!!!

Bob's old blog - it's much better than *this* rubbish!

Listen to Bob's songs at indie911.com!

Listen to Bob's songs at GarageBand.com!

Listen to Bobcasts here!


© 2007 Swipe Enterprises

Tuesday 13 February 2007

"(Just Like) Starting Over"...

I began this post at about 12.40 pm. It started with the opening line of the song in the title - "...it's been so long since we took the time..." and I was going to use that lovely quote from the end of School Scoundrels* and say something along the lines of, as it's a completely new start, let's get off on a new footing, cut the crap, drop all the pretence etc....In short, for some obscure reason best known only to myself, I was going to reveal who I really am.

And then, just as I'd typed about the same amount as I have now, there was a sudden power failure that took out all the lights and points across campus for an hour and a half. Which was nice*...

I'm not normally superstitious, as you can probably guess from the - to say the least - *irreverent* tone of much that passes for content on these (and previous) pages, but it did cross my mind that perhaps this was some sort of a...well, not wanting for one moment to inflate the situation unnecessarily out of all proportion and swerve like a possessed lunatic into the realms of the mystical and arcane - little short of a *sign* *from* *above* that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to step out from behind the mask... just yet. So I don't know now....

I figure that most of you who have followed me over here either know already or - more likely, I fancy - would probably rather know me as Bob anyroad. So, there you go. We'll see. All I'd ask is that if you want to contact me and don't already have my permission, please use the email at the top of the page rather than any others you may find knocking around. As most people who've met me in the flesh would probably tell you, I'm a very open and honest person (despite the view to the contrary held by a certain Californian arse, of which more later..), perhaps to the point of foolhardiness. But then, as the great comic once said, "you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead..."

All this is really by way of saying that I don't really mind either way - Johnny? Bobby? Who wants to get their knickers all in a tangle over something as silly as a name?

L.U.V. on y'all,

Bob

*well, I got to have a pint in the Load of Hay while we 'evacuated'...

**"Once sincerity rears its ugly head, all lifemanship is powerless.....I must get back to Yeovil..."




Visit me in MunterSpace - 10,000 Goth Girls Splattered in Feck Blood Can't be Wrong!!!!!!!!

Bob's old blog - it's much better than *this* rubbish!

Listen to Bob's songs at indie911.com!

Listen to Bob's songs at GarageBand.com!

Listen to Bobcasts here!


© 2007 Swipe Enterprises

Monday 12 February 2007

Nowhere...

There's a new, Nun-eating-Monster Heavy Metal Tune up here for you all to get on down to....

I wrote the chorus when I was about twenty - which just goes to show, the old ones *really* are the best....


L.U.V. on y'all,

Bob




Visit me in MunterSpace - 10,000 Goth Girls Splattered in Feck Blood Can't be Wrong!!!!!!!!

Bob's old blog - it's much better than *this* rubbish!

Listen to Bob's songs at indie911.com!

Listen to Bob's songs at GarageBand.com!

Listen to Bobcasts here!


© 2007 Swipe Enterprises

Hello...

...As I 've been effectively locked out of my old blog (just when it was getting good, eh...) I've decided to start afresh here.

Hope you stick with it.

Drop me a line so I know how many people I stand to offend...


L.U.V. on ya,


Bob

Visit me in MunterSpace - 10,000 Goth Girls Splattered in Feck Blood Can't be Wrong!!!!!!!!

Bob's" old blog - it's much better than *this* rubbish!

© 2007 Swipe Enterprises